We See Color: Discussing Race and Color Blind Racism with Your Children

“There are no black people in this show”. – one of my daughters, after watching an episode of her favorite TV show, Friends.

“My skin color is peachy, but I am white. Not like my shirt is white, but like how my friend Jamal has dark brown skin, but he is black”. – my son, after preK one day.

“It’s a white dude, so I know he actually did something.” – one of my daughters when passing a car pulled over by a police officer.

Our children are learning whatever we are teaching them through direct instruction or by our words and actions. I talk to my children about racism. I’m not confident I have talked enough about colorblind racism or in a way that they can best receive it and learn. Colorblind racism is the racism that exists when a person or system dismisses the construct of race altogether and proceeds as if all have equal opportunity and access. It exists in all of the dimensions in which racism does: internal, interpersonal, structural, institutional.

For white folx, it can be an easy trap. It plays right into our white fragility. We need to know what it is, to unpack it, to question it and to evolve our self-review and readiness. Good things are happening. Children are teaching their grandparents about pronouns. They are challenging their schools to support Black student unions, leading walk outs when anti-racist work is not a priority, and leaning into very tricky peer conversations.

And yet, swastikas are being carved into lunch tables, students whose first language is not English are dismissed as uneducated at our schools, urban district children are left without transportation to school, Black and brown teenagers don’t have access to first jobs, Black and brown boys and men are disproportionately represented in the criminal justice system.

I have to remain hopeful and remind myself of the right steps and the right directions we are going. However, we (and me!) need help from each other. Parenting and care giving can feel isolating. It can be really fucking hard at times. We need lived experiences, we need thoughtful conversations, we even need straight up instruction, and we need encouragement! The goal is a more just and equitable society. Let’s learn and share together.

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About Meghan Callan