The Kids Are Alright, Even If We Don’t Want Kids Ourselves

I don’t know if I want to have kids. Ever. This feeling has evolved for me over the years. 

When I was younger I was sure I wanted to be a mom; to have beautiful little Black babies who looked like me. I grew up with several nieces and nephews. There are 12 of them now. So I was never in a rush to have children anyhow. I just always said I would have them later in life. But now, I wonder if I will ever be okay with the idea of having children. 

I have multiple reasons. I don’t know if I want someone else to take over my body, for my body to never truly return to normal and always be different. For me to forever have someone else to worry about. I’ve listed a few selfish reasons, which is my prerogative of course, but there are some that are less selfish. 

Like global warming. Despite scientists having voiced concerns for decades, no real change has been made and the Earth could soon be a wasteland in a few lifetimes. There’s racism. Homophobia. Transphobia. So many things wrong with the world that more than likely will never be fixed. Let’s not forget about finances and lack thereof. I couldn’t even imagine having to take care of someone else right now. While yes, you hope finances will figure itself out as you progress in your career. Like maybe when you’re 35 you’ll get a promotion and will feel comfortable raising children. However, that just seems like such an unlikely life. Like hoping capitalism works out for you. What makes you special? Why will you rise above poverty when so many are still bound by its limitations? 

Being a Black woman in my generation impacts my decision

In a previous article of mine, I address the extreme mortality rate for Black people who give birth. We are three to four times more likely to experience a pregnancy-related death than white women.

The thing is– I’m not the only person my age or in my generation that feels this way. 

Since 2007, the nation’s birth rate has been declining about 2% each year on average and the pandemic accelerated the decline even further, with births falling by 4% last year.

It was the largest annual decline in the number of births since 1973, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The choice to have children should not be based on societal expectations

People who don’t want to have kids are often called selfish which I won’t necessarily dispute. I have my own reasons which I have listed. However, these are also people who realize children should have parents who want them. Who are excited about raising them to become good people. Who can’t wait to decorate their first bedroom and celebrate birthdays. People who love being a parent even when they have a moody teenager. 

I believe if you don’t feel that way then maybe you should evaluate “why” you want children. Is it because you’re pressured to have a nuclear family? Because you were told there’s no meaning to life except to work, marry, have children, raise them, retire and die? My goal is not to convince anyone to not have children but to maybe prompt people to consider why they want children and to not foist their reasons for reproducing onto others just because they don’t subscribe to these same ideals.

Now I don’t have a solution to the declining birth rate, but it also means people are being honest about whether they want children instead of popping a few out to satisfy societal expectations. That means, hopefully, fewer kids are feeling unwanted or unloved and to me, that is a win.

Sources:

http://www.cnn.com/2021/06/23/health/us-births-decline-pandemic-cdc-study-wellness/index.html
https://www.cnn.com/2021/08/14/us/childfree-women-birth-rate-decline-trnd/index.html
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/vsrr/vsrr014-508.pdf

About Brianna Milon

Brianna is a local media professional who loves writing, watching Netflix, and playing with her dog, Weenie and her cat, Fancy. She studied Journalism and Broadcasting at SUNY Brockport and was heavily involved in the campus radio station. Brianna also co-hosts a radio show, “Fat, Black, and Femme” on 100.9 WXIR. You can find out more on Facebook and Blogspot.