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Tara’s nephew was killed by Rochester police the day before our interview. Her eyes are swollen, but she showed up. Tara always shows up. She has been showing up for 20 years, since the day she decided to do this work. She tells me “I really hope you can pull this story out of me.”
Tara believes that a simple human connection can be powerful enough to change lives.
She is Director of Programs at Compeer Rochester. Compeer takes a nonclinical approach to behavioral and mental health, prioritizing relationships and coping skills over diagnosis labels and pharmaceuticals. Compeer combats the loneliness and isolation people with mental health challenges can feel by matching individuals with volunteers who can provide supportive relationships.
“The biggest obstacle to mental wellness for the Black community is trust. There have been so many disappointments and stigmas put onto the Black community that people have found ways to self medicate and cope. Even if they know there are other options, they don’t access those resources because of the history of being let down. I work to build that trust by spreading the word through love and positivity. We look at people as people, not patients.”
Having a friend on the other side of a difficult situation can make all the difference. “When I think about the community reaction to the 9 year old little girl who was maced by police, I think about what that would have looked like if she had a volunteer she could connect with, a volunteer she could call, a volunteer that could take her away, or that teach her coping skills and tools to de-escalate.” Tara’s journey to the heart of human services and the human connection began in her childhood where there were no volunteers to connect with her, or take her away.
“At one point in my life I felt hopeless. I grew up on the Northeast side on Berlin street in 14621. It was a nice community, but then the community changed. It became more violent. It became divided. As a little girl, I started to see the changes. I began to deal with direct tragedies in my family and in my life, and in my friends’ lives and witnessed some of the tragedies. I was put in foster care after my mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was 11 years old. My father was absent because he had challenges with behavioral health. I grew up in foster care and started to look at my residential counselors and social workers. I saw the work that they did and the efforts that they put into me and the other youth that were struggling. I appreciated it. I grew up around a Whitney Houston song, ‘Greatest Love of All’ that talked about children being the future, and I said to myself, ‘Children are the future’. That song conditioned me to believe in myself.”
“When I graduated, I knew I wanted to pour into the community and be a trailblazer for people like me; people who were impacted by the oppression and trauma in the Rochester community. I wanted to get to work immediately. There were things I had picked up from my own experiences, like navigating the social service and social security systems. I knew I could help those who struggled to access resources. Rochester is a very resource rich community, but the resources are hard to navigate if you don’t know where to look, or how to advocate for yourself. Once I realized I had that skill set, I wanted to empower other people to access services. I realized along my journey of being a teen mother that once I got my associates degree, it would be challenging to get further education. I wanted to see how far I could go without hitting a ceiling.”
“The day I turned 19, I called the Hillside Family of Agencies. I had been placed at the Hillside Children’s Center as a child, and they promised me that when I grew up, they’d give me a job. I called them every day until they finally said, ‘Alright, we’ll give you Friday, Saturday, and Sunday overnights. It’s a crappy shift, but if you want it, we’ll give you your start.’” Tara has since become a leader in human services and as one nominee puts it, has “shown successful leadership to agencies like Center for Youth, Willow, HCR Care Management and Monroe County,” and of course Compeer where she is today.
Tara made the decision to believe in herself when others didn’t. “I try to be careful not to let negativity rent space in my head. As a Black woman, I have definitely struggled with bias. I had a white woman tell me I was a horrible public speaker, that I would never be a leader, and that I would never have the opportunity to train because my tone was too deep, and I talked with my hands.” Despite the double paneled glass ceiling that Black women face, Tara kicked her way through.
“Being solution focused is one of the best tools I have. Solving problems has led me into my leadership roles. I was housing domestic violence survivors from homelessness, housing young teen moms with homelessness. I was providing skill building.”
Tara has prioritized the needs of her community over pursuing the more traditional decorations of leadership with continuing education. One nominee points this out, “When asked if Tara was going to continue her education, she decided that there was too much work to be done in the community and that she wanted to devote her life to being hands on, actively supporting people that had similar struggles to her own. She is self taught and barely gets recognized for all of her sacrifices and accomplishments.” Tara wasn’t sure if her lack of higher level degrees would stop her trajectory, but realized it’s given people the chance to see her. “It has been an opportunity for people to believe in me; people like my current director Sara Passamonte who gave me my first admin role. I appreciate her so much for that because I knew that I could do the work.”
Tara wants to see a battalion of Black women doing this work beside her.
“I’m a big advocate for Black lives, and Black women trying to break that glass ceiling. I want it shattered.” When asked to speculate what a future beyond white supremacy could look like, Tara sees a place where people can stand shoulder to shoulder.
“I want a community that’s united, where everyone has access to resources. When I say resources, I mean equity. There would be appreciation of diversity and people would be inclusive with each other. In the future, I would want people to have more opportunities for job placement, professional development and more opportunity for independence. I would want everyone be able to have a life that’s worthwhile, where people are able to afford to take their family on vacation, to be off the system and independent and not having to worry about where your next meal is coming from, where you’re going to stay at, if your son is going to get killed – that type of unity, peace of mind unity. Unity and a healthy relationship between the people privileged to have the opportunities of leadership in our county and state, and the people they represent.”
The loss of her nephew has plunged Tara back to the days before she was supporting the mental health of the community, to the days of being a person at the receiving end of the impact of violence. “I look through the lens of a person who has poured her life into supporting the community through their pain and trauma. I have been trained in trauma informed therapy, solution focused and patient centered care, in compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma, and the list goes on and on, but when I am directly affected by someone in my own family who was killed by the police, I start to look through a different lens. What does this lens look like? I find myself asking,
‘Is there compassion? Is there empathy? Are there people who understand the trauma that I’m facing? I just want more of that, and more people in these fields. I want the officials in power that are responsible for the livelihood of others to really pull their boots up and say ‘I’m going to get there with you. I’m going to come with you. I’m going to grab your hands and take you to a safe place, a place where people can thrive.’ The question becomes how can we ever find equity when we have been oppressed for so long?”
Tara, ever the solution-based thinker, finds her own answer. “I think we have to believe that there is hope. We have to believe that if you push, people will pull. We have to trust in the process that we will get to where we’ve got to go. We are all human, no one person is better than another. It takes courage to keep going. I understand. That’s why I am here today. I am so hurt right now but I like to think about what Lenora Reid-Rose from CCSI says. She says it’s important to have courageous conversations.”
I ask Tara if there was something that she needed to hear when she plowed ahead in her life and tossed the detractors aside. “Be wild. Be fearless and understand that there is opportunity and when you come across someone like myself, I am going to see you and try to open doors. I have to believe that there are a multitude of individuals fighting this fight alongside me in their own special way and that one day we will get there together.”
I need to get the word out that our Black community needs mentors. We need mentors so that we can match kiddos who have challenges with people who look like them. Although we are an international agency, our Rochester chapter is a small non-profit with limited resources. Right now we really have a wait list of young African American males. By default our young Black kiddos that are diagnosed with mental wellness issues are not being matched because we do not have enough Black bodies here to match them with someone who is relational. Go to www.compeerrochester.org to learn more or come to our office at 295 Monroe Ave.
Compeer takes referrals through service providers, therapists, case managers, and social workers. If you are challenged with a kiddo who could use the opportunity to connect with a volunteer, to go out and have a good time and work through their feelings, connect with Compeer.
mailing address P.O. BOX 10011, Rochester, NY 14610 • info540westmain@gmail.com
One Response
Tara is a powerful strong woman, and this is a well written article by Allison Harper, highlighting Tara’s commitment to Compeer and to making this world a better place. Thank you, I plan to pass it forward!