The Black Community and Imposter Syndrome
Blog by Brianna Milon
August 2nd, 2023
“You have to work twice as hard to even be considered.”
If you’re Black and grew up with Black parents, there’s a good chance you heard this statement before. As Black children, we were pushed to soar past our peers because, without that perseverance and the accolades, our parents knew we wouldn’t be as celebrated as the white children.
There’s a good chance that if you experienced this, you are now an overachiever and/or suffer from imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is when you don’t feel good enough despite your accomplishments. Some signs include procrastination, perfecting a task for too long, self-doubt, the incapability of acknowledging one’s own skills, and criticizing one’s own performance. Folks with imposter syndrome are also more likely to deal with anxiety and depression.
I experience imposter syndrome more than I would like to admit. The most recent instance was when I was asked to write for the “In This Moment” series. ITM brings together 10 Black photographers and 10 Black writers to produce profiles on 10 Black leaders in Rochester. These books give us a chance to recognize our changemakers and spread their story to the world. The chapbooks are available in Monroe County libraries and various schools around the county.
My chapbook focuses on Anita Cameron, a Black disability justice activist who has been arrested 140 times standing up for both the Black and disabled communities. It was an honor to be asked to write Anita’s story. She has helped change the world with every march, protest, and show of advocacy. Our photographer was the talented Sean Boose.
When I was first asked to write the essay, it was an instant yes. I was so excited that I made it to a point in my career where people sought me out for writing work, or that people thought highly enough to recommend me for the job. But once the call was over, the smile fell and the doom set in. What if I can’t do it? What if I don’t do her story justice? What if I write something so mediocre it follows me for the rest of my career? What if what if? All of these questions of self-doubt filled my mind.
All of my training and experience went out the window. It felt like I lost my ability, and will, to write. Before I was asked I had been going through a writer’s block. It’s why I stepped away from 540. Ideas weren’t coming and when they did, they were filled with doubt.
It didn’t matter that:
- They sought me out based on a recommendation and the work I have already accomplished in my career
- I spent three years writing for TV news and telling stories that way
- I spent nearly two years, at that time, writing for 540WMain
- That I have a degree in journalism and broadcasting.
My rationale was flooded with self-doubt. None of the facts mattered. It was just difficult for me to find my anchor.
The chapbook is now complete and published. So how did I pull myself out? Those feelings never left, but I focused on what Anita’s story deserved. My attention and care. We even met for a 2nd interview so I could get more details. I wanted to write something she would be proud of. I’m happy to say she loves the book.
So after everything was said and done, I sat back and asked myself ‘What really caused those feelings?’ and that’s when everything unraveled.
I realized the hole that I thought myself into.
It was reassuring to research imposter syndrome and see all of the things I suffered from. I felt that same affirmation when I spoke to 2 local therapists about it.
Both women encourage their clients to reflect on their upbringing, current accomplishments, and self-worth.
“I help them identify beliefs about themselves and if those beliefs are unhealthy, we work through how to reshape them with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy,” says Nicole Nabors of Grace and Peace Counseling. “Sometimes thats coming out of toxic beliefs that were taught by parents, beliefs that our systemic ills that ripple from slave mindset/behaviors. We’re not that many generations removed from slavery.”
CBT is a practice Danielle Jones with Place of Wisdom and MomMe Time Out Podcast says she uses with her clients and with her own imposter thinking.
“When I start to experience negative thoughts, I start to focus on what I’m thinking. My thoughts impact my behaviors. I’ll challenge my thoughts, ask myself questions and reframe the way I’m thinking.”
Nabors says sense of self is the root of shedding the feeling of being an imposter.
“We have to be able to find a sense of security in self in an environment that isn’t cultivated for us. It’s like a deer. The deer is the most vigilant because everyone around it wants it dead. We are the deer, “ says Nabor. “Everything in this environment is meant to kill the human spirit and the purpose we have to pour into a society that doesn’t want us. To kill the emotions, the mind, the thought, and the way we creatively think. Being able to identify purpose and find a sense of security in self so that we can remain vigilant but also navigate and move through the world in a sense of power and assurance even though we’re not going to be positively reinforced in those things.”
I can’t lie. I was mentally snapping after she said this. Because when we go to mostly white schools and work in mostly white spaces we are told we’re not good enough. It may not be as blunt as that, but it shows up more subtly. Like code-switching.
Code-switching is a tool for survival. It also means we acknowledge our true self isn’t welcome here. We wait until we’re in the comfort of our home to let down that mask.
“When we’re talking about imposter syndrome and a certain demographic we have to understand the history and how those people have been cultivated in the environments they inhabit. This is not just a mental health situation. It is a cultural and systemic thing the Black community deals with.”
Pulling up your pants will get you respect from police, wearing a dress or tie will not change how the world feels about Black people. Wearing a bonnet in public changes our worth. Dissect the root of those thoughts. Where are they really coming from? Generations of trauma and our elders hoping code-switching or passing as a good negro would keep us alive.
“We have been imposters from the beginning because we have been told what is proper and what isn’t. We have a lost sense of identity,” says Nabors. “I encourage my clients to identify their identity, spiritual practices, and purpose, because no matter who you are and where you are, melanated people understand purpose.”
“The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed.” -Steve Biko
Speaking with Jones and Nabors was freeing because, in my life right now, I’m figuring out my purpose and identity. Every day I work towards defining those words for myself. Every day that I walk in that mindset, and with purpose, I have been moved closer to my answers.
Dealing with your mental health and generational effects is truly a journey. Some days are harder than others. But we can only get to our truth if we start asking questions.
I am now a published author and Anita’s story has been shared with so many people. I’m thankful for the opportunity and I can acknowledge that it was my skills that got me here. We love to see the growth.
P.S. If no one’s told you lately, let me tell you, you belong in whatever room you want to be in. Your skills, your thinking, and your light are all uniquely yours and no one can bring what you bring to the table.