Quitting Isn’t Failure When it Becomes a Boundary for Self-Care

“Quitting isn’t failure when it becomes a boundary for self-care”
by Christy Roushey & Calvin Eaton

Mar 12, 2021

In the fall of 2016, I quit my job as an engineer. After five years of college and 10+ years into my career, there were many reasons for my decision. The environment that I had been working in was so toxic that it was harmful to my mental health, and therefore not beneficial to me or my family. I could have soldiered on. However, this was a necessary boundary that I set to take care of myself and family.

Growing up, I really did feel a familial pressure to never quit. Some of it was internal, I’m the first-born child and type A personality. When the path was laid out for me – 1) Finish high school 2) Graduate college 3) Get a good job…then Success – I pushed through it. One goal accomplished, now onto the next one. There were so many moments on that path, I wanted to give up. And yet, there was this push to finish what you started. I kept on going, even when that small voice inside said to stop.

Society tells us that accumulation of success, whether it’s materials, accomplishments, fame, or whatever is tied to your value and worth. So when the moment came to quit my job, I definitely felt like failure. I felt like I hadn’t seen my plan to the end.

Recently I came across an instagram post that detailed how much our ancestors overcame, so we better not quit. This post found me in a moment when I was weary. I was feeling the weight of the pandemic and the racial injustices and I just wanted to give up. At first glance, it felt like the encouragement to persevere. “If they could do it, you can do it” and so I shared this to my followers in my stories. I am really grateful for the conversation that came from that moment. It challenged me to look at the narrative and how it can be harmful, especially for Black folks.

Releasing the expectations set on us, creating boundaries for relationships (work and personal), or simply saying “I’m done,” can be permission to rest. And that’s not quitting, it is self-care. It is honoring the voice within to trust your limits and know when enough is enough. That is self-respect. Unfortunately on social media the context is often lost in translation. Memes and quotes are stripped of their larger historical and social contexts in an effort to abide by arbitrary character count rules. Historically, Black people have been taught and conditioned to push through, weather the storm, pick ourselves back up and carry on no matter what. The bible even says “weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.” This persevere at all costs has served us and our ancestors well. This perseverance and endurance is what guided Harriet Tubman through the forest time after time in her quest to free herself and other Black folks from the bonds of enslavement.  Descendants of enslaved Africans had to keep going. They may not have wanted to work, or pick cotton, or cook for master but they did not have the luxury to stop.

Constantly fighting, pushing, speaking out, engaging, working, parenting, loving, mothering, is exhausting and sometimes we need to quit and stop. It is okay to acknowledge that we need help and that something is no longer serving us. As the saying goes, Black people in predominantly white professional spaces have to work twice has hard for half the recognition. For every dollar white men make, Black women make 62 cents. The constant internal and external messages to give it just a little more time, keep on pushing, you are almost there, don’t stop now is harmful and toxic.

For Black people rest has always been an act of radical resistance. For many centuries rest was a privilege not afforded to us. We have rarely been afforded the human right of taking a break, taking a respite, taking a sabbatical. The ability to rest–let alone quit–is often not afforded to those who are not white and wealthy. Today, so many white people are able to quit, fail, restart and the resources are always there; the system is set up to give them another chance. But for Black entrepreneurs, the stakes are often much higher. For us, quitting can mean losing it all, quite literally.

But I would like us to work on radically shifting this narrative. If you start something, a business endeavor, a hobby, hell a book and somewhere in the process you learn that it no longer serves you, quit.  It is okay to quit.  I am working every day to reshape my perspective that I do not need to hold on to everything and everyone for the sake of not quitting. It is okay to stop, heal, rest, and even terminate relationships or situations that cause us harm. There is nothing inherently wrong or bad about quitting. I feel very strongly that the counter-narrative that ‘quitting is a weakness’ is a vestige of White supremacy and tied to anti-blackness and capitalism. This feeds the hustle mentality and the grind. We are taught very early on to work hard today, don’t stop, and your reward will come later. For many Black people, later never comes. Our bodies break down from the toxic effects of racism, increased chances of heart disease, cancer, or premature death. By the time you’re ready to benefit from the years of never quitting you are too sick to benefit from the hard work or worse, you are dead. So…rest, today. Stop and enjoy the fruits of your labor and hard work right now. Do not wait until later. We do not have to finish everything. It is okay to put something down and come back to it later or never again. It’s okay to quit.

About Christy Roushey
(her/hers) Christy Roushey is a botanical illustration + hand lettering artist who blends the versatility of modern calligraphy with timeless black and white florals. Her work is about creating belonging, connection and revolutionary change by utilizing the language of flowers to infuse symbolism into the body of her work.

About Calvin Eaton
(he/his/him) Calvin Eaton is a disabled community educator, content creator, and social entrepreneur, whose area of expertise includes antiracism, equity, justice, eLearning design, and program development. In 2016 Mr. Eaton founded 540WMain, Inc. a virtual non-profit organization and antiracist education brand that promotes justice for all.